Theology
by duchess-susan
Summary: Vimes, Carrot, Reg, Dorfl and Visit discuss religion and Dibbler sausages. One-shot.


**Vimes, Visit, Dorfl, Carrot and Reg discuss faith...and Dibbler's sausages. Just an idea I had, and wanted to try and follow up, because it's interesting. None of the character's views are necessarily my own, and this is neither a defence nor attack on religion/faith. It's just a debate between characters-although there's a little humour towards the end. I own nothing. **

Visit was alone on this one. He sensed the waiting void in front of him, hungry for stimulation and _debate._

'Om is silent because he alone of the gods knows that the only way to let people display their worth is to allow them to work things out for themselves.'

Vimes quite liked Om, as far as gods went. He was quiet, he didn't tell people how to love and, best of all, he didn't tell them to commit crimes, such as killing heretics. Omnians meant less paperwork than those devoted to Offler. Nevertheless Vimes didn't want to start encouraging divinities to pay attention to him. He had the sneaking suspicion that they wouldn't appreciate his cynicism. Or general attitude towards life. Or sense of humour.

Carrot beamed. 'And that is wise, isn't it, because people can be good, if only they take the trouble to talk to one another.'

Reg and Vimes exchanged a look, but neither could bring themselves to say anything. Carrot's unwavering faith in human nature was astonishing, to say the least.

Dorfl rumbled into speech. 'Silence Cannot Be Proven To Mean The Voluntary Absence Of Noise. It Does Not Necessarily Mean That Someone Is There But Quiet.'

Visit pounced on the perceived flaw in this argument. 'But it can't be proven to mean that no one is there to make a noise either. And Om is there.'

'No. But All The Others Gods Feel The Need To Make An Exhibition Of Their Existence. So Why Doesn't Om?'

Visit almost cried with joy. He knew the answer to this one. 'Because Om is the one true God, and knows that by remaining silent he can best observe the value of each individual. He doesn't _want _to prove himself, he wants us to have _faith _in his existence. Without faith gods are nothing. Without faith _people _are nothing.'

'Lots Of People Manage Comfortably Without Faith. Me. Mister Vimes.'

Reg had a striking thought. 'But you were _created _by a religious text Dorfl. Religion gave you _life. _So how can you support the view that no one should believe?'

'I Don't. I Just Think That People Should Wait Until A God, Or Possibly Gods, Are Logically Proven Before Giving Their Belief Away. It Is A Valuable Commodity. It Is Their _Soul. _They should Have An Assurance Of Quality Before They Exchange It, In Case They Are Giving It Away For Nothing. And Just Because Religion Gave Me Life Does Not Mean I Should Be Grateful. The Same Words Enslaved Me.'

Visit tried to out-think the golem, although trying to out-think something as patient and philosophically definite as a golem is extremely difficult. 'They still gave you life. They didn't intentionally enslave you. They don't enslave people. They better them. They comfort them.'

'It Is Commendable, That Om's Word Improves Humanity, And Why If I Was Gullible Enough To Place My Faith In A Deity It Would Be Him. His Teachings Have Value Even With The Religion Removed. People Could Live By His Words Without Believing, And They Would Be Better For It.'

Vimes lit a cigar. Carrot waited patiently for Visit's rebuttal. Reg sewed an errant finger back on.

'Yes but without Om those teachings have no teacher to _tell _people about them.'

'The Best Words Need Only The Recipient. Authors Are Often Redundant, Mere Scribes.'

'That's not true.' Visit wailed, 'Because when Om is the 'author' as you put it, you know that his words alone are truth.'

Carrot frowned. 'A lot of people are truthful, Constable. I am. Most dwarfs are. Trolls too. Even a few humans, if you give them a chance, though admittedly not C.M.O.T Dibbler.'

'That Is An Interesting Point Captain Carrot.' Dorfl turned his fiery gaze on Visit.'If Om Asked You To Eat One Of Mr Dibbler's Sausages Would You?'

Visit panicked. 'But Om would never ask _that _of a follower.'

'But He Could, If What You Told Me Is True. And If His Words Are Truth, Which You Are Compelled To Follow, Then You Would Have To Eat The Sausage Inna Bun.'

'Nooooooooo. Because, um, because sausages are symbolic to Offler, you see, so um...'

Vimes tried not to smirk. 'Are you seriously trying to claim that _Dibbler's _sausages are _holy?'_

Visit sunk his head into his hands.

**Review, please.**


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